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Friday, November 1, 2013

GIANT UFO HOVERS OVER CRASH SITE IN LONG LAKE

By Ted Colin

Several local residents in Long Lake Township have told me and my colleagues that on the night of October 4, 2009, a giant UFO appeared over Long Lake in Grand Traverse County. The UFO appeared to “hover” over the lake for about an hour and then it abruptly disappeared.

A Long Lake resident and armature UFO hunter named Irene Emdom said she first spotted a strange light in the sky about 9 p.m. “I knew it was not of this world because of how it seemed to be stationary and then if you looked away for a while all of a sudden the thing had moved.” Irene Emdom went on to say, “It was like a giant glowing orb in the sky. It seemed to generate some sort of cloaked field around it since it was very hazy at times. Finally, the orb just shot across the lake and disappeared into some sort of vortex I imagine. Maybe it was a worm hole in space. After the orb was gone a fog came over the lake and you could no longer see the sky.”

All of the accounts of the UFO were very similar. It also seems that the mysterious glowing orb shaped spaceship was seen by people all over the state of Michigan. This begs the question as to why did the aliens appear to so many people that night? Perhaps aliens were trying to contact us to warn us of an upcoming disaster such as the year 2012.

Of course there was an earlier incident this year where a UFO crashed into Long Lake. Although no ship was ever confirmed to lie on the bottom of Long Lake, at least one alien creature was tracked into the woods. It seems the alien, upon leaving its sinking spacecraft, may have morphed into a creature that looks something like a common raccoon. No one really got a good look at it then but, if our atmosphere is not poisonous to it and it can handle the viruses and bacteria on our planet, the creature might still be alive. There is of course the sad possibility that the alien being might not understand the movements of our automobiles and hence, could have become someone’s road kill supper.

Everyone here in Northern Michigan hopes that our first contact with aliens from another world would end on a happier note. Just think of what beings from another world would think of us if they knew that we ran over and then ate the ambassador they sent to welcome us into some sort of federation of planets. Let us hope that the alien orb was a successful rescue mission which will reunite our space buddy with his family and friends.

Meanwhile, I and my colleagues will continue to look for clues as to where the original spacecraft landed in Long Lake. It’s a big, deep lake so it will take time to scour it with sonar. Our best hope might be to use snow mobiles this winter to easily scan the depths for evidence that we had visitors this year.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

PART 3 OF 3

PART III
EPILOGUE
By Tim Colin

The guys with the coast guard helicopters are really nice. They airlifted all four of us out of the ice water. The Natural Recourses people were not so nice. My brother got a big fine for polluting the lake with the snowmobile. I guess he has to pay to get the thing removed. Most of Uncle Mike’s stuff was either ruined or went to the bottom of the lake. That expensive sonar device he was always bragging about can be replaced if I only had about 10 kidneys to sell. I’ll sell the two I’ve got and maybe I’ll grow back new ones.

Our expedition was not a total loss. You see when I was trying to get the alien I had hooked through the tiny ice hole I was able to catch a glimpse of it. The creature had beady eyes and a mouth very similar to that of a fish. It also had fins and scales. It did not look like it had a giant brain in its head but, maybe advanced creatures have their brains in some other part of the body. The creature was able to outwit three experienced investigators and ended up having a nice plump pork rind to snack on.

So, now we know what we are looking for. Today the alien was able to morph itself into something that resembled a fish. On our previous expedition an alien morphed itself into some creature that resembled a raccoon. Evidently, the creatures from outer space have the ability to become anything that we see. They could be anywhere and everywhere and disguised as anything.

We also know that these aliens are ravenous meat eaters. These creatures have the brain power to manipulate their forms and can travel through time and space as easily as we might travel to the liquor store to pick up beer or, whiskey or, maybe a pack of cigarettes. Brain cells need protein and protein is flesh. Ergo, a big brain means a big appetite for meat. I just hope I am making myself clear to all those people out there that think that space aliens are all lovey dovey vegetarians. Because I call myself a scientist no one should dispute my facts. The space aliens are here and they are hungry.

ALIENS CRASH IN LONG LAKE PART 2 OF 3

ALIENS CRASH IN LONG LAKE
PART 2
By Tim Colin

This is Tim Collin with our second report on the mysterious space craft that streaked across the Northern Hemisphere and crash landed into Long Lake about four miles from Interlochen Michigan in Grand Traverse County. As I described in our last blog before we went out on our Delta Force expedition to defend the planet Earth from invaders, I had asked our group if anyone had pumps? I assumed they realized we needed pumps to inflate our rubber rafts. The twins named Laurie and Carrie said they would each bring pumps so I thought “problem solved.” These two beautiful and Star Trek loving community college girls each brought a pair of shoes they called pumps which, of course, could not blow up our rubber rafts. Luckily, my brother Mike, who could not ever hope to pass a class in remedial PE on the community college level, decided to try blowing up our rafts using cans of “Fix-A-Flat”. This actually worked. At least it worked for a while. I’ll get to that later.

Meanwhile, on our special government sequenced radio monitoring devices which monitor government transmissions (also known as FM radio), we heard from one source (NPR Radio) that NASA said that the sighting was actually just a weather balloon. We professionals in the alien investigating field know that of course, NASA always says everything extra terrestrial is a weather balloon. If the Earth had as many weather balloons sticking into it as the NASA guys say it has sticking out of it then it would look like a planet with a bunch of weather balloons sticking into it, or out of it or, I’m not sure what I am saying. I just know that I’m right. This is what NASA does when it comes to aliens, it confuses you so you don’t know if you are sticking in or sticking out. Some times my shirt tale’s in. Some times my shirt tale’s out. Woe is me. I just want to go home. Especially because the mosquito’s are so bad out here after dark.

While the rest of us were out floating around in our boats all day today, my brother Mike decided to go snorkeling to see if he could locate the crash sight. We haven’t seen him since and it has been 2 hours. I fear for the worst. We shoved him over (dropped him off) in the middle of Long Lake and he can’t swim very well. I’m afraid the aliens have abducted him. What is worse? I have something constantly coming up from the lake and pounding on the bottom of my boat. This has been going on for about the last 2 hours.

Another problem has become apparent. This problem was caused by the “Fix-A-Flat” solution we used to inflate our rubber boats. Apart from not using this product for the designed purposes that the label warns us about, it also has the side affect of dissolving the fake rubber our boats are made of. It seems our boats were made in a country called Chuna. Chuna is a country that makes rip-off products of rip-off products produced in China. According to the box, our boats are not made of rubber or plastic but, of the new space age material known as Uhoh". This is as in “uh oh, I think we are sinking”. "Uhoh", is also the main ingredient in the tuna substitute, low cost product, found in cans of chuna fish.

There it goes again. Something keeps hitting the bottom of my boat. I guess I will have to wait awhile before I can report on more of our investigation. My lap top battery is running low and I dropped my cell phone in the bottom of the boat which has about three inches of water in it right now.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

ALIEN SPACE SHIP CRASHES IN LONG LAKE PART ONE OF THREE

ALIEN SPACE SHIP CRASH
PART I
By Tim Colin

We have just found out that a small craft from outer space crash landed today at approximately 1:04 a.m. Eastern Time, with daylight savings time included. A streak of light moved over the northern hemisphere and suddenly plunged into Long Lake just about 4 miles from the Interlochen Center for the Arts Academy located in Northern Michigan. Perhaps they are coming to watch the Willie Nelson concert. We just don’t know.

We have been spending the day putting together a Delta Force group to investigate and if needed, take on these aliens in some sort of intergalactic war. To be a part of this lethal force of good guys, you must have seen the new Star Trek movie at least six times. We know no one else is qualified to deal with space aliens.

The delta force includes me, Tim Collin; I am a proud geek and have no life. The group also includes my brother Mike; he is the most expendable member and will be forced to sacrifice himself to save the earth. We have the twin very nice looking sisters, Laurie and Carrie. They both are “C” students at the local college but, they love Star Trek, Battle Star Galatica and, Babylon five. My brother Ted wimped out on us so, I was forced to get my cousin Gerard to help out. Gerard raises rats in his basement and then sells them to schools for experimentation purposes. Gerard is our creepy, not too bright guy. I told everyone to stay away from him. Finally, I found a guy named Bob to come along as our photographer and video guy. He has a cell phone that takes video pictures. Cool!!!

It is now 4:00 P.M and our team will set up camp near the site of the crash at 0100 hours from now (I think that is 5:00 P.M.). We have our wet suits and snorkeling gear. We’ve chartered several rubber boats that we will need to blow up after we’ve set up camp. The twins said they would bring a pump. Things are getting really exciting now.

We will soon be in the wilds of Northern Michigan looking for life forms from a distant world. Will they be friendly or hostile? We will find out? We will report back when we can and if we can. Good luck humanity as we of Delta Force go off to fight the foes of the universe to protect the American way of life. We defend freedom and liberty and, the choice to get really, really fat and out of shape like my brother Mike or, to have respect for yourself and stay lean and mean like me.
END OF PART I OF III